Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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