i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
