You work out of a Hotel?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
