Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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