Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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