This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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