We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
