when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
