I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
