I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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