There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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