I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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