His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
