I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
