it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
