YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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