I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
this hospital has no fireball
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
