One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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