Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
