Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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