Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
