you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Randomize
