you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
