Just fell off a train. Bad.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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