yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
