I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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