Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
