OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
