if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
