pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I smell like Dick and happiness
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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