our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
