One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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