I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
