I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
