and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
