How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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