Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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