franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
