sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
