you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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