Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
