you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
