We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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