why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
