I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
