Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
