If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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