I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
