You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
