we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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