i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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