I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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