So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
