never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
